Assalamoalaikum....I got married last year in the month of February. Between nikaah and rukhsati there was a gap of two months as we used to live in different countries. In this gap, we both developed feelings for each other and loved each other and were in contact via phone calls and video calls. Even we got intimate during this time though not physically present with each other. Everything was fine between us. The problem started after rukhsati. my husband told me on honey moon that he is not able to relate to me. This was a shock to me but I accepted it by thinking that since ours is an arrange marriage, it will take time to adjust. My husband never consummated the marriage with me and I was the one who used to initiate but he never reciprocated. he used to hug n kiss me but not anything beyond that.He is potent enough. He says that he doesn't love me n want to free me so that someone else give me happiness which he is not able to give. He wants me to take khula or otherwise he will divorce me. I am now helpless and feels like I have been cheated as he used to have feelings for me on calls and what happened to him after rukhsati I am not able to understand. I still love him. We stayed together for six months n now he has send me to my parents house. Please guide me what should I do.
May Allah grant you comfort and best replacement.
If your husband can not live with you and can not love you then you may ask him to divorce you. In case of divorce you would be required to complete the Iddah of three menstrual cycles.
This is because you have spent time with him in privacy where it was possible for you two to have intimacy but you chose not to. This is sufficient for the the Iddah to become obligatory. Iddah becomes necessary if one of two things happen after marraige:
1) Sexual intercourse
2) Khalwah. It means that the husband and wife spend time together alone where it is possible for them to have sexual intercourse and there is no obstacle such as the menses etc...
And Allah knows best.
Mufti Ikram ul Haq
Fatwa Center of America